


Deflate like a balloon

by lesbiandiasterbeauregard



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Adlock for just a tiny bit at the beginning, Alternate Universe - Famous Actor, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Female John Watson, Female Sherlock Holmes, Female Sherlock Holmes/Female John Watson, Gender or Sex Swap, Humour, I hope there is humour, I'm changing geography, Rule 63, Sherlock is a famous celebrity, Why is there no 'humour' tag with the british spelling?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 09:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7752967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiandiasterbeauregard/pseuds/lesbiandiasterbeauregard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes is a famous actress who hasn't had a good role in months. During a relapse her agent Lestrade sends her off to a small town just north of London to help her during her rehabilitation. In this small town where everyone knows each other's names Sherlock sticks out like a sore thumb. Luckily, the town's doctor has a nice smile and is as easy to read as a book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deflate like a balloon

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the 'you are celebrity with an ego that won't fit through the door so you've been sent off to a small town to get deflated' AU.

“Sherlock Holmes this is the third time this week that you have done something inexplicably idiotic!” Her agent hollers through the telephone. 

 

“Idiotic? Oh please Lestrade, you would not know idiotic if it stood up and danced naked in front of you. Look at your team of public relations, if any of them were truly as good as advertised then things like this wouldn’t be a problem. So, if anyone is being idiotic it is you and your team of monkeys.” Sherlock exhales a puff of smoke before lifting the dying stub to her lips to take one last drag.

 

Gregory Lestrade sighs loudly over the line, “I’m going to need you to come in today Miss Holmes so we can have a face to face conversation.”

 

“Will Anderson be there? I would rather not deal with his smug little face this morning.”

 

“Sherlock, he works here. I can’t just kick him out whenever you decide to swing by.”

 

“Surely you can as you are his boss.” Sherlock presses ‘end call’ and tossed her cell onto the bed.

 

The sound of water pounding off of the tiles stops and Sherlock hears the tell tale screech of the curtain being pulled back. Wet feet pad against the wooden floor of the hotel and a damp body drapes itself across her.

 

“Problem love?” Irene asks in a low voice.

 

“PR as usual.” Sherlock replies shrugging Irene off of her shoulder. She had just needed a shag, cocaine does have that terrible habit of making her unfortunately horny, but there hadn’t been a job in three weeks, what else was there for her to do.

 

“You always have to make a scene don’t you.” Irene smirks as she spreads herself across the bed. “Let’s have dinner.”

 

“Not hungry.” Sherlock buttons her coat and sweeps out of the room.

 

Irene follows her out into the hallway, stark naked and proud. “Let’s have dinner. You know that you’ll just come back Sherlock. You always do. I do you a favour now you do me.” Irene tugs down on the lapels off Sherlock’s Belstaff.

 

“Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side Miss Adler. Don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking that this is anything more than an itch that needs regular scratching. Love is a dangerous disadvantage. Remember to pay the cleaning service for the mess.” Sherlock pulls away, detaching Irene’s hands from her coat and walks out the front door of the hotel.

 

~ooOOoo~

 

Irritated shouting begins outside of Lestrade’s office. She’s here.

 

“Do tell Mrs. Anderson I say hello Sally.” Sherlock says closing the door on Donovan’s outraged shriek. “Lestrade I do not believe that during our negotiation you mentioned that there would be an unwelcome guest.”

 

“Your terms were that Anderson wasn’t here at the same time you were. He is on his lunch break I do believe that meets your needs.”

 

“I should have known, your name plate outside of your office had been straightened, you always bump into it when you are in a hurry. Naturally, Mycroft’s obsessive compulsive tendencies would have him straighten it of course.” Sherlock concludes before opening and closing the office door to fix the name plate.

 

Mycroft looks up from twirling his umbrella, “Sister.”

 

“Mycroft.”

 

“I presume your night with Miss Adler ended tragically, normally you wouldn’t bother with the bird’s nest but today you brushed your hair. Your night of passion finished abruptly leaving you time to shower and sort yourself. What did you say this time Sherlock?”

 

Sherlock gives Mycroft an icy stare.

 

“Mycroft and I would like to discuss with you your usage within the past week. I found your sorry ass unconscious outside of my door on Monday, Mycroft had to to send one of his cars to pick you up from a crime scene on Thursday, and yesterday you were recorded harassing a member of the press. Sherlock, this has to stop.”

 

“Then find me a job. Isn’t that _your_ job Lestrade?”

 

“No one is going to hire a junkie for their next film Sherlock. No matter how good your cinematography and acting may be no one wants to have to spoon feed you lines while you are off getting high.”

 

“I am not an addict Lestrade, I am a user. I alleviate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought process. If you could find me a job, there would be no boredom.”

 

Mycroft clears his throat, “The list Sherlock.”

 

Sherlock scowls, shoves her hand into her pocket and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper.

 

Mycroft opens it and closes it with a small sigh in between. “You were doing well when Greg discovered you -”

 

“I’m sorry, who’s Greg?” Sherlock interrupts, Lestrade gives a wave. “That’s not his name, don’t be ridiculous Mycroft.”

 

“You have a talent Sherlock Holmes, you can take on any role anyone gives you and create a masterpiece. Yet you waste your opportunity on, what was it this time?” Mycroft reopens the list, “A seven percent solution of cocaine 300 mL – “

 

“Enough Mycroft.” Sherlock snaps. “Was the point of this meeting to humiliate me or is there some other purpose that you had in mind.”

 

“Your brother and I have decided to send you on a vacation. Get clean and you can come back.” Lestrade pulls out a file and slides it across the desk. “These are casting auditions for three Oscar nominated scripts, they all want you Sherlock. I told them that you would be interested provided they gave you the opportunity to deal with personal issues that have arisen.”

 

“There’s the carrot. Do you have the stick Mycroft?”

 

“Jim Moriarty has resurfaced and he is looking to get the restraining order appealed. Given the extent that I went to in order to keep you safe, he will have a very difficult time. Soon he will realize this and not bother with doing things the legal way. You know what he has done with his other clients, what he has driven them to do. He wants you back under his thumb and I am the only one that can keep your protected and sane. This trip is for your safety on multiple fronts. So Sherlock, you will go on this vacation, you will get clean, and I will find a reason to lock up Moriarty. Do we have a deal?”

**Author's Note:**

> I promise the Adlock will not happen again. I hope you guys enjoyed please leave comments and kudos if you are up for another chapter. I don't think this will be too long but we will see.


End file.
